why?!

Why do I torture myself with this. I miss him. I want him. I have a boyfriend.
Am I truly happy? What does it mean if I keep thinking about another guy...
All I can think about is him, the way he made me feel..the way he touched me, the way he talked to me, the way he hugged me. And how I was his "first".


I don't know what to do anymore... HELP!


These are some songs we use to stare into each others eyes while listening to..sometimes we sang them together. But mostly we just thought of how much we liked each other while listening to them :)

Wanna Make Some Food?

All these look so delicious! Click on the links to get the recipes!

http://www.melskitchencafe.com/2009/09/crispy-southwest-chicken-wraps.html

http://bevcooks.com/2012/01/buffalo-chicken-wraps/

http://www.chef-in-training.com/2011/09/no-bake-cake-batter-truffles-take-2.html

http://www.closetcooking.com

http://annies-eats.com/2010/03/05/baked-southwestern-egg-rolls/

Dazed and Confused

Senior year..shouldn't there be no relationships? Why be tied down with someone your LAST year of high school. Shouldn't you go out and have fun? I mean come oooonn! What is the point? Your just going to go to college next year.

That is why i'm stuck. I'm in a relationship with this guy..we went out junior year. Broke up, I had the BEST summer..then we got back together once school started...
I told him over and over no...then on Christmas he got me a Tiffany's ring..and asked me out again. What was I suppose to do..say no?!
It's 2 months later...and I want out. But I can't break his heart AGAIN!
I mean, yeah...I do love him, I love spending time with him.
But this past weekend when me and just my girls went out, it was soooo much fun! And I wanted to hook up!! haha

I'm stuck...confused...and don't know what to do anymore...

Fashion Sense.

The thing about fashion is...I feel as though I couldn't pull of ANY of these looks. If I wore things like this to my school, people (mostly bratty bitchy girls) will think i'm trying to be something that i'm not. Thats why i'm excited to get out to college. I can actually wear things like this and people wouldn't think anything of it.

My style right now is simple...simple shoes, simple shirts, simple pants. No skirts, no scarfs, no hats, no belts, no heels.

Bucket list: Get a new style

Going for the simple elegant work look...

or the hipster rocker chick..

Perfect new years/party dress!

Keeping it classy for the winter.

And another cute rocker chick look.

Pretty Little Liar...

I hate lying to my mom. I just wish I could tell her the truth about where i'm going and who i'm going to see.

For example: last night I told my mom I was sleeping over at my friends house..but really, we were going to rent a motel with 8 other people, including my BF. Turns out, the plans didn't exactly work out due to their strict rules at the motel. So, we all just ended up going home. Except for me. I spend the night with my boyfriend at his dad's house..

I just hope that someday I can tell my mom the truth about everything. I never want to lie to her..it just makes me feel so sick inside. But if I told her the truth, I wouldn't be able to experience things for myself.

Just from last night, I learned NEVER to rent a motel again. hahaha

Live and Learn.

Bucket List

Recently I purchased a blank page writing journal (suppose to be used for drawings), but I like to write freely with no lines.
Anyways, in it, i've listed everything i'd like to do before I die. Such as:

AND MANY MORE...

I believe everyone should have a bucket list, otherwise, whats the point of life?! HAVE FUN! Be spontaneous! Go on an adventure. Do something you've NEVER done before. Don't be boring and just live life like its just another day. Live life to the fullest.

True Friendship?

Honestly, I love my friends. However...sometimes I feel left out. No..a LOT of the time I feel left out.
Ever since my new friend came here from a different state, me and my (use to be) best friend drifted apart. They became BEST friends..having sleepovers EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! (Since my new friend lives alone with a roommate). I am rarely invited to places with them because they think I'm with my boyfriend.  Seriously though, me and him aren't in the honeymoon stage anymore! We would BOTH like to hang out with everyone..
However, my (old) best friend gives me the vibe that she doesn't like my boyfriend so much cause he's "mean" to her. So I never want to bring him around her! (Then he just gets upset, and it causes us to fight)
ANYWAYS!
I always feel left out...and I hate it.


Being left out is horrible. But you can't say anthing without sounding jealous or like a cry baby..


^^^^^^^^^ Truth hurts.


Even when i'm with them, I feel left out! They leave me out of conversations and jokes.
I don't do ANYTHING to make them that way.
I just don't even know what to do anymore...

Humorous Truths

Oh the truth in these photos. I love a good laugh though!

Sometimes I even check a third time...oops!

The most annoying icon ever! Especially since it's usually my mom.

Guilty!

Oh...he KNOWS he pissed me off when I say "K". (Then again, he just gets pissed when I say "k")

GOTTA RUSH!!

The sad truth...

Rainy Day Blues

Its raining...and all I can think about is him. Yes, I have a boyfriend. We broke up last year. Then I had a summer fling with this WONDERFUL guy. In the end, I hurt him..badly. And I ultimately got back together with my ex.

But every single day I think about the other guy. I see him every day at school, and just think about all the fun times we've had together.
Whenever it would rain, we would go into my car and cuddle in the backseat. Him trying to keep me warm, and me just wanting him to hold me tighter. I never wanted him to let me go.
Whenever it rains, i'm sad. Remembering those times make me wonder what could have been. How my life would be so much more different. And maybe me being happy.
(Not that I am not happy with my bf now)

He just made me so happy every time I saw him. I wish I could go back to the way things were, and he could forgive me for everything I have done....
I've apologized, and he said its okay...but is it really?
I miss him so much..

Valentines Day

I don't know if anybody will ever read my blog, but if you do, thank you.

Today is Valentines Day..AKA girlfriends or wives expecting the man to get them gifts and take them out for a nice dinner and movie.

Yes, I have a Valentine. No I did not spend the day with him since he got stuck having work today. But I don't expect much. I don't even like getting gifts for every holiday that expects gift exchanging. I'm a simple kind of girl.

Does anyone (high school students+) feel as though when you have a boyfriend, you just want to be single and have fun? I have...I do! All the time I feel as though I am missing out on so much in life because i'm in a relationship. I'm 18 years old, I mean come on! I shouldn't be in a relationship. Yet, i'm happy.

Happy Valentines Day!

My first of Many

Well, this is my first blog. I've been sitting here wondering what I should write about. I'm not a very experienced writer. (I was never good in english class) haha. All I want to write about is life. (Like my own public journal). This is a place for me to write how I feel, or whats going on in life. My mind has been racing with ideas on my upcoming blogs, such as relationships, friendships, family, drama, etc. I will remain anonymous throughout all my blogs, just in case.

    I can't wait to share my thoughts with everyone.